She laughed until she cried

She laughed until she cried... It was a miracle.

I hadn't been home for six months. (For those of you who have forgotten about my disastrous visit, you can check it out here.) Master told me, at the time, that I wasn't going home again without him. But still, even knowing that he would be there, I was terrified. I told my mother that I was bringing him to Thanksgiving at the beginning of October. 

We had been on the phone for about 30 minutes, gabbing, shooting the shit... Things had been relatively back to normal for a while. In my head, I was trying to get up the courage to tell her. I didn't ask.

"I'm going to bring _____ (insert Master's name here) to Thanksgiving. 

There was a pause on the line... 

"Ok."

"You know we've been dating for six months..."

"Oh... Well, I will be happy to buy your ticket. You will have to get _____'s."

I let it go. It went over better than I expected, really. We moved along with the conversation. I was able to relax and let out a sigh of relief. 

The next morning, I got a text message. "Dad would like to buy both of your plane tickets for y'all to come for Thanksgiving." All right Dad! Way to be progressive and understanding! Wooooo! (Small victories, ok?) It took me a couple of weeks to find a good deal, and I bought the tickets. 

I started having nightmares. (Yes, folks... I have PTSD) Several nights a week, I would dream about fighting with my parents. These weren't little arguments. These were rage-fueled, violent arguments. I usually woke myself crying. The dreams lasted for two or three weeks. 

One day, I called my mother to catch up. Historically, we have been really close, like best friends. She was prattling on about preparing for Thanksgiving. It is a really big deal in my family: china, crystal, the whole nine yards. 

"I've thought about it and ____ can stay in your room. You can stay on the fold-out bed in my office." (Remember: no vile, evil, extra sinful premarital sex going on here!)

"I've actually found us an AirBnB."

...

"Oh, ok." She sounded awkward, as though the thought of us sharing a bed made her uncomfortable. I'm sure it did. 

I had a short respite, and my sleep eventually returned to normal (medically induced coma). However, the anxiety came back, during the day. 

I struggle with anxiety and depression as a part of my bipolar disorder. Normally, I can control the anxiety: get plenty of sleep, exercise, take a walk, something. This was crippling. Add in that I was about to start a new job, and what have you got? Dysfunction...can't get off the couch, must hide under a blanket anxiety. I tried everything: prescriptions, marijuana, alcohol, herbs... Nothing really took care of it. I tried mixing combinations of things to little avail. It kept getting worse until the night before we flew. 

That night, I didn't bother sleeping. We needed to be at the airport at 0400 anyway. I got caught up in preparations, packing, etc. I was emotional, yes. I was on-edge, yes. But I was functional. I think I was just kind of in shock.

We arrived at my parents house around 1930. I felt as though everything happened in slow motion. My mom came out of the backdoor. I scrambled to get out of the car. All the while, information was streaming in. She looks happy. She isn't hiding anything. She is glad to see me... us! I could barely wrap my mind around it. I ran to her and picked her up in a bear hug. When I put her down again, Master was out of the car. She ran over to him and happily introduced herself. I felt like I was in a dream. In fact, writing this is bringing tears to my eyes. We went inside. My dad was in the livingroom. He is glad to see us! He stands and warmly introduces himself to Master and shakes his hand. 

IT WAS A THANKSGIVING MIRACLE. 

We talked until well after my parents' bedtime. We had fun chattering and laughing like Master had always been a part of the family. My mother laughed until tears streamed down her face. 

When Master and I got to where we were staying, the dam holding back my emotions buckled. I broke down in tears of relief and anxiety and put myself right to bed. 

The next day, we rose early and went to my parents' house to steal some breakfast. My mother roped me into helping her prepare the house. We laid out the tablecloths and the napkins and the napkin rings and the good silver and the crystal glasses. While we were working, my father, in a completely atypical fashion, offered to take Master on errands with him to hang out and get out of our way.

It made me nervous, but my mother told me not to worry. So, I did my best not to. We finished setting the table, and we sat down for a minute. I felt exhausted, which led into feeling anxious. Within just a few minutes, I called Master and asked when he was going to be home. 

So, the days went on: happiness and merrymaking punctuated by anxiety that led me to hide in my room with Master at my side. My mother laughed until tears streamed down her face. Not only did my parents love him... my ENTIRE family loved him! My friends loved him! As I began to adjust, my anxiety lessened a little. 

We said goodbye to my parents the night before we flew. I cried. It was the first time in years that I didn't want to leave home. 

It was the best Thanksgiving that I have ever had. I'm still in shock. I can hardly believe it. I'm so grateful. It really was a miracle. 

I can still see her face. Her eyes were bright with smiles and laughter and wet with tears as she looked at us. 

Cum from last night

... is still in my hair where he wiped it as they left me on the bed exhausted and used. 

A week or more ago Master mentioned to me that he had gotten an interesting message. (Most people, after looking over my profile, contact me... I am the sex object, but I am not the one in charge. The best way to play with me (and really the only way) is to go through Master.) The message was from a guy named Hadrix. Rather than contacting me, he wrote directly to my Master and inquired about the acquisition, care and keeping of a slave like myself. After some correspondence between the two of them, they decided to meet. I came along as an accessory.

Master asked me to wear a see-through top, but was kind enough to allow me to wear pants and boots. It was a chilly evening. I rifled through my closet. It probably took me 90 minutes to get dressed. (It's a challenge to find something that is both see-through and warm. That, and I'm terribly vain.)

Right around the time that I started getting dressed, I started getting nervous. 

We met in a dimly lit restaurant, unfortunately, not dark enough for any shenanigans. Hadrix was interesting. We enjoyed conversation over our meal, some about kink, some about life in general. I had a few drinks with dinner. When we had all finished our food, Master decided (but he respected my input) that Hadrix was alright. We invited him back to our place. 

We talked about getting more alcohol on the way back, but I felt so comfortable with Hadrix that I told Master that it wasn't necessary (which is truly a credit to him, my social anxiety is formidable).

When we got home, I stretched out luxuriously on the sofa. Hadrix and I were discussing materials for sex toys. He brought up stainless steel. I excitedly scampered across the room and presented for him my favorite toys: my Njoy pure plug and my Njoy pure wand. His eyes lit up in appreciation as I made myself comfortable on the sofa again, but Master had other plans. He stood over me.

"Take off your pants."

It wasn't a suggestion. It was a command. I know better than to dawdle when Master uses that tone. My pants hurriedly thrown aside, my legs obediently spread wide, Master thrust his fingers inside me. 

"Cum, bitch." 

My eyes rolled back in my head, and I gave my body over to the waves of pleasure. Master likes to put me through my paces for guests, show off the capabilities of his slave. Master motioned for Hadrix to take over. With hardly a lapse, there was a new set of fingers inside me. Master walked into the other room to bring out our toys. (This is the point where the whole evening became fuzzy for me, i.e. I began my descent into subspace.)

Though my ongoing orgasm, I could make out fragments of conversation. Then, I heard chains. The sharp rattling of heavy chain shot through my reverie like a bullet. I know that sound. Master and I both have a set of clamps. Mine are decidedly gentler. These were not my clamps. I could tell by the sound. 

Master handed the clamps to Hadrix, who weighed them in his hands with appreciation. With one hand he reached down and tweaked my right nipple, hard, rolling it between his fingers. He pulled it slightly. Pinch, followed by searing pain, pain that makes your vision strange and your mind foggy. As the pain from my right nipple began to lessen into a dull roar... Pinch.

I cried out in pain as my vision whited out. 

Smack. A hand fell hard on my clit. I don't know who it was. I just remember the sting and the smart, the second blow before the pain of the first subsided, the third, the fourth... I lost count. 

(If this were a movie... we would fade to a white screen here.)


via GIPHY

I heard the sound of voices. 

Someone lifted the heavy chain from between my breasts. There was a subtle tug as a third chain was attached in the middle. Unceremoniously, my pussy was spread wide and the last clamp was applied to my clit, behind my piercing. 

"Get on your knees." 

In my haze, I sat up. Instinctively, I lifted the weight of the chain off my chest to alleviate the instant increase in pain. 

"Drop it."

I let the chain fall. I felt a tug as the chain fell, followed by a slow, but steady increase in pain from my nipples and my clit. 

"Crawl around the table."

Down on all fours, the chain swung with my body as I crawled. The clamp slipped from my clitoris. Without a word, I sat back on my heels and waited. Hadrix tried a couple of times to replace the clamp to no avail. He clipped it firmly to my pussy lip. The pain was surprisingly dull and subtle. I resumed my crawl. 

I rounded the table once. Twice. Three times. My consciousness continued to fade. The subtle pain from my vulva had increased to an ache that I couldn't ignore. There was nothing but the pain with every motion. Move right hand. Move right leg. Move left hand. Move left leg. 

"Back on the couch."

The pain subsided slightly as I laid back. But, I knew what came next. I gritted my teeth and turned my face into the back of the sofa as the clamps came off. I yelped. (Clamps hurt way worse coming off. At least the pain doesn't last.) 

Master brought out my dildo. (I will pause for a moment to mention that I like pretty sex toys... and I generally have expensive taste. My dildo, however, was a bargain and I have been very happy with it. If you are interested you can check it out here.) He pushed the suction cup firmly onto the top of one corner of the coffee table. 

"Fuck yourself. Now."

Obedient, albeit wobbly, I walked to the table, spread my legs and sat down on the dildo. The pleasure was a welcome change in the pain-induced haze, but the relief didn't last. The quicker I fucked, the more my legs began to burn. I tried supporting myself on the table to no avail. 

"Who told you to stop?"

I struggled to lift myself up. Seeing my exhaustion, Master allowed me to rest. Granting my earlier request, he ordered me to shower. 

I stood under the shower water, dazed. In fact, washing myself was a surprising amount of effort. Forget that, standing was hard. 

I turned off the water and toweled off. When I opened the bathroom door, Master gave me until the count of three to be in the bed. I dropped my towel and sprinted into the bedroom. I fell into bed just as he said, "One." 

Master handed me my wand and instructed me to squirt for our guest. I tried, but was unable. That has literally never happened before. "I'm dehydrated, Sir." I breathed. 

Master lifted my new pussy pump out of my toybox. He placed it over my vulva and began evacuating the air. It starts with a gentle tug, quickly escalating to an ache, increasing in intensity until I cried out. Master turned to Hadrix and said, "She loves vacuum play. She is such a good whore." 

They toyed with me, slapping my tits, pulling on my pussy using the suction. The pain was exquisite...dull, with an amazing sensation of blood rushing into my clit. My pussy lips and clit began to swell, increasing my sensitivity. Master released the vacuum. He reached down and fondled my swollen lips. Smack. His hand fell on my aching pussy. I screeched in pain. Surprised by the vigor of my reaction, a small grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. He struck me again. I let out a second yelp, louder this time. 

"On your stomach, slave."

Master dragged me sideways across the bed. He took my pussy and Hadrix took my mouth. Everything was a haze. Master's thrusting from behind drove me farther down on Hadrix's cock. I struggled for breath. My eyes watered. 

"Cum. Now." 

Master never raises his voice, but I am trained to pick it out. Even in my nearly complete stupor, I heard his voice. My body went rigid as the waves of pleasure washed over me. I convulsed as Master continued to pound me. 

"Are you still sucking his cock, bitch?" 

"Get back down on it." Hadrix pulled my face down hard on his cock, choking me. 

"Don't you stop cumming or you will be in a great deal of pain."

I could hear the danger in Master's voice. I struggled to maintain my orgasm, clenching tight around Master's cock while greedily sucking Hadrix. (Pause for a moment here, if you have never considered before how difficult it is to remember to do so many things while deep in subspace. The only thoughts left are simplified. Pain. Pleasure. Breath. Fear. Now, try maintaining an orgasm, clenching, sucking and breathing, trying not to choke on your saliva and snot. Sounds tough, right?) 

I started to choke, coughing hard. I heard Master suggest that we all take a break. 


"Are you thirsty, little one?" 

I nodded my head. 

"Get in the bathroom. Head in the toilet. Have a drink."

I struggled to my feet and walked into the bathroom. I knelt, unceremoniously, before the toilet, looked over my shoulder at Master and began lapping at the water. Master walked around behind me and began fucking me again. I braced myself against the bowl to avoid hitting my head and kept drinking. When Master decided I was finished, he ordered me back to the bed. 

"Face up this time."

They took turns: Hadrix in my pussy, Master in my mouth, Hadrix in my mouth, Master in my pussy. I was only vaguely aware of the short breaks while they switched. 

Breathe. Orgasm. Choke. Vicious spanking. Breathe. Choke. Focus hard on cumming, trying to force whomever was in my pussy out by clenching. Breathe. Spanking. Just don't stop cumming. Focus. Don't stop. 

I have no idea how long they went on, only that it was in the wee hours of the morning when Master decided to call it. I stroked Hadrix as Master came hard inside me. I could feel his cock throbbing inside of me. Hadrix flipped me onto my stomach and fucked my face until he came, spewing his load into my mouth. I choked again and my eyes watered. Sucking every last drop off, I opened my mouth and showed him his accomplishment. 

I swallowed and collapsed on the bed. 

Sleep. 

Cum from last night is still in my hair where he wiped it as they left me on the bed exhausted and used.

Old Friends: Abandonment and Grief

Contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect. I did something really stupid last night. Not only did it end up causing Master’s displeasure (which devastates me), but I’m fairly sure that I hurt the other person involved too.

This morning, when I awoke, I was still a little drunk. Last night, Master had told me that I was a “bad girl.” That is one of the most hurtful things that he can say to me. Don’t misunderstand. I deserved it. Master is still surprised, sometimes, by the vehemence of some of my emotional reactions.

All I remember is sobbing and feeling awful. This morning, when I finally had an opportunity to apply logic to my memories, I recognized the face of an old friend, Abandonment.

Abandonment and I have spent many years together. He is tall, and dark and slender to the point of looking skeletal. He has a hooked nose and tightly pursed lips. He wears a long black trench coat and a black wide brimmed hat. Sometimes, I can hear him calling my name, in a quiet voice like a whisper. If I draw near, his call rises to a shriek that makes me press my hands to my ears.

It seems to me that Abandonment is always hiding nearby, always waiting for me. We met when I was young, and he always comes to visit when things get rocky in my personal life.

Master said, “Bad girl,” and suddenly I could feel Abandonment walking beside me. His dark figure giving off cold rather than heat in proximity.

“You know what this means, little cat. How can your Master… care about someone as foolish as you, as disobedient?”

I could feel the disdain dripping from his tongue and sliding slowly down my spine.

“You can always come and stay with me, little cat. I will be with you until you die – as long as it takes,” Abandonment hissed.

Feeling alone, hurt, and sadly, more than a little drunk, I took Abandonment’s open hand. The dark familiar cold surrounded me. I was wrapped up in his spell. My ears were full of Abandonment’s screech. When my eyes adjusted to the glooming, I saw a small plump woman walking toward me. She was dressed like a poor housewife from the 19^th century. Her apron was smeared with flour and her boots sorely scuffed.

I ran forward to meet her, another old friend of mine. Her eyes were kind, but desperately sad. I don’t know her true name, but I have always called her Grief.

We didn’t need to speak, she nor I, nor could we have heard each other anyway. She took me gently in her arms and held me tight to her bosom. My body went limp as I lost myself in her embrace. Tears fell like rain from tired eyes.

I don’t know how much time passed. I barely knew where I was. Experience drove me to find and consume my sleeping pills. With the howl of Abandonment buffeting my ears and the warmth of Grief holding me tight, my body was wracked with sobs, but my eyes closed, and I slept.

It was disturbed sleep. I am purposely not remembering my dream. Upon opening my eyes, I discovered that my two familiar guests had snuck away while I slept.

Master was there. He came to greet me.

“How are you feeling, little one? Is everything ok?”

I nodded. He sat down beside me and held me close. I felt safe and calm in his embrace. I offered some explanation of recent events.

“All you need is a little more training. It’s not a big deal, just a part of the learning process and the process of making you the best slave ever. Keep in mind, I already think you are the perfect slave for me. I will never in my life have another.

You know that I will never leave you. You are mine and I will not let you go. It doesn’t matter what you do. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are the one for me. No doubt at all. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

He bent his head and lifted my chin, so that our eyes met. He gently pressed his mouth over mine and whispered, “I love you.”

Writer's Block and Breaking Free

I have to begin writing again. But, I don't feel like I have that much to say. I'm sure that it's just because I haven't been writing regularly... and if I don't make a point of recognising them, all the interesting moments of my life simply fade into a sea of homogeneous experience. 

I'm jetlagged. Master and I just got back from Barcelona. We spent 5 days there with his family. This was a new experience for me... I've never been invited on someone else's family vacation. But, these people feel like my family too and it was good to spend the time with them. 

They tell you that if you don't know what to write just keep writing and finally something will come to you. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Well, I haven't had much luck yet. 

I have, however, started on a new venture. I posted a picture a few days ago. The caption gave people the opportunity to make photo requests of me. 

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you kids. I want to entertain you with my literative brilliance... But I'm at a loss. I could tell you about how I have confirmed my dislike of Picasso, how I have missed Master's cuddles while we have been traveling, how I'm concerned that his brother might suffer from depression... You tell me. Are those things that you want to hear about? Do you want to hear about the mundane ins and outs of my life? I could tell you about my job search... Normally, I try to keep this blog to really juicy kinky things. Do you want to hear about my real life? Please let me know. 

___________________________________________

Well, it's been a week since I started this post. I have been really struggling with my anxiety, and I don't think that there is a single force that is more deadly to my creativity. 

Master and I have continued to travel. I am currently in Indianapolis (for business). I am supposed to be attending a conference. I went for the first 2 full days. Yesterday, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was anxious and depressed. I felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of information that was being thrown my way. So, Master and I went back to our AirBNB and took the rest of the day off. The conference goes on for another full day, but we slept in and have spent a lazy day in bed. 

Yep. That means sex. For sure. 

It has been interesting for me to watch the progression of my slave training. Master has been very gentle of late because of my emotional lack of fortitude. However, looking back over the past 5 months, I am seeing changes. It is amazing how pliable I am in his hands. 

I am a strange combination between dependence and fierce independence. When I met Master, I would have vehemently denied that I was willing to be a slave. I considered myself a submissive. It wounded my pride to be called a slave. How quickly that changed... I found that within just a few days, I was willing to serve Master in whatever capacity he desired. I look back at it, now... A part of my personality that I considered so vital to "being me" melted away like snow before his heat. 

I have learned to love it when he slaps my clit. The first time, I thought it was one of the more painful things that I had ever experienced. He ordered me to keep my legs apart. I struggled and fought to keep my legs open, but every fiber of my being, all of my instincts, reflexes, screamed for my legs to close. I had to physically hold my ankles because I couldn't do it any other way. I cried, bitterly, from the pain. It was agony. Truly. Today, he did it again. Brought his hand down, stinging, on my clit. I happily exposed my pussy for his repeated strikes. Rather than agony, I writhed in ecstasy.

"Cum for me, bitch."

God, those words are so erotic. I allowed the waves of orgasm to overtake me. I panted and moaned as his hand continued to fall on my swollen and aroused clit. Harder and harder it fell. Each sting was stronger than the last. I grabbed my ankle to steady my legs and lost myself in orgasmic bliss. 

He knelt over me. He pulled at the waistband of his underwear. His fully erect cock sprang out toward my eager mouth. Side note here: I LOVE sucking cock. Love it. It is one of my favorite ways to tell Master that I love him. I took his throbbing cock in my mouth, gently passing my tongue around his head, while listening to his breathing become ragged with pleasure. He grabbed me by the hair and gently thrust his cock into my mouth. In and out. In and out. I relaxed under his control, and he guided my head. My tongue (secret weapon) swirled around him as he used my mouth. 

My jaw began to ache. I have TMJ and when I am anxious, it gets worse because I clench. Master was so gentle with me. I turned my head away and expressed my discomfort. Rather than the brutal punishement that I would normally receive, he pulled away. 

He moved down the bed and informed me that I no longer needed my pants. I laid on my back and pulled my knees toward my shoulders. We locked eyes as he eased into me. He thrust into me, harder and harder. I felt him slamming against my cervix. He commanded me to cum. He continued to pound me. Suddenly, he stopped and flipped me onto my face. He threw a pillow beneath my hips and entered me from behind. I love when Master mounts me. It makes me feel so completely owned. With my hips supported, I could feel his cock driving into the muscle wall of my abdomen. It is one of my favorite sensations. 

He turned me onto my back again. My ankles were on his shoulders. I love this position because it allows me to direct his cock straight at my g-spot. 

"Cum harder."

I clenched down hard on his cock. I pushed him out. I felt the warm wetness of my squirt dripping down my hungry cunt. He plunged in again. I pushed him out. More of my wetness coated his cock. He thrust in again. I tried to drive him out, clenching my pelvic muscles like I was trying to crush his cock. We fought like this, strength against strength, sweat coursing over our bodies. 

He withdrew quickly. 

"Take it, bitch."

I opened my mouth, and he came hard. Shooting his load into my hair, all over my face, and into my waiting mouth. I could feel the cum dripping down my scalp. 

With a charming smile, he helped me up and we went into the bathroom to shower. 

We leave Indianapolis on Monday. We are flying directly to Fort Collins to spend time with one of Master's best friends. It should be an amazing time. Really, all time I spend with him is amazing. I'm addicted to this man. I can't get enough. 

In spite of all the depression and anxiety, the unexpected twists and turns of life... Life is good. Life is really good. 

Birthday Bash!

And by that I do mean that I got a birthday ass whooping. 

Though I know it probably isn't obvious from my internet presence (the exhibitionism and all that), I am actually an introvert. I'm not the kind of girl who throws parties, especially for myself. However, since I met Master, things are changing. 

In completely atypical fashion, I decided to throw a birthday party for myself. Who is this girl, really? Who is she... and what happened to me? Master collared me at the same time that we decided to enter the kink scene where we live. Over the past four months, we have met a lot of people. We have made friends (something that is generally so hard for me to do... But with him, I'm so much braver). I made a list of many of the friends that we have made... some of them close friends, some just acquaintances. I contacted them. What the fuck are you doing!!????! 

Not only did I invite people I didn't know well, I invited them to my house, without everything planned out, without worrying if they would get along. Gone was my social anxiety, gone was my compulsive perfectionism. I was agog.

But, I did it. I invited something like 15 people. I let people bring guests that I had never met. For this, I have all of you to thank. This community has shown me a different side of humanity. I never expected to find acceptance like I have here, and I find that I have less and less fear of what people think of me. Truthfully, the love and encouragement that I have gotten from all of you has made a really amazing difference in my estimation of myself (and copious loves from my AMAZING Master). 

Oh goodness, there are so many things that I want to talk to you all about. This post might be nearly eternal. 

Anyway, I was talking with my therapist today (Yes, I have a therapist) about what this coming out/transformation has been like. Growing up like I did, in such a conservative fashion, caused/necessitated the suppression of part of my personality (the kinky part). She was discussing the dramatic shift in my general happiness and well-being since I decided to pursue kink and how repressing a part of a personality can lead to mental illness. I AM BIPOLAR! Ahem...ahem, and I suffer from chronic depression. I have survived suicidal ideation. I am... the girl who lived! Sorry... too dramatic. She told me that I am actually one of the most marked cases that she has seen. Being true to myself was the single most transformative decision that I have made, in my life. 

...

Sorry about that folks, I got sidetracked. I was telling you about my birthday. In the end, there were eight that showed up bringing the final head count to ten.

Libations flowed freely. 

... I must interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast, again, to tell you that I purchased hiking boots for my dog. I just put all four of them on her... and I'm about to piss myself I'm laughing so hard. 

... Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

We had quite a cast of characters present, one of whom was completely vanilla. So, we feasted on his kink virginity in lieu of cake. I don't think he minded... not one bit.

The evening began with some good, old-fashioned fire play. Isopropyl + matches = FUN! This was when my clothes started coming off. Because who doesn't want to be sensually lit on fire!? I wish it were easy to describe the sensation. It feels warm, bordering on hot. Just before your skin starts to burn, the alcohol is gone and the fire goes out. 

We also got to play with a little fire cupping. Pretty neat. Yes, yes... those are my household glasses. We improvised. This creates a vacuum beneath the glass and feels a little like being massaged from inside. 

From there, my multi-talented friend provided a shibari demonstration (on yours truly, of course). I have been interested in working with rope for quite a long time. I have always fantasized about being tied up and helpless. So, this was a really enjoyable experience for me. One of these days, Master and I (we finally got our own rope!) are going to learn a little tying. I can't wait. 

Pretty fucking awesome, right!? Oh my goodness, I want to do more of this. I'll just have to figure out how to bribe him to do it... ;) I want to fly (that is, to do rope suspension). 

I felt totally gorgeous in the ropes. The ties fit all my curves and were tight like a glove. There was a moment where he grasped the back of the tie and lifted me... I slumped forward like a ragdoll hanging from his grasp. Thinking about it still gives me shivers. More, please!? 

Then, there were birthday spankings. By that I mean, all of the guests held me down and smacked my ass until I was screeching. It wasn't anywhere near my age. In fact, Master deliberately didn't count. I have no idea how long they held me. I just remember short silences punctuated with a sharp crack as a hand fell upon my ass, followed by the screech that left my mouth of its own accord. I busied myself with trying to figure out who was about to hit me... and then threaten to kill them by name. I think I did quite well. It kept me from totally losing it, crying, etc. In addition to the increasingly aggressive threats, the primal growls and shrieks... I fucking fought like hell. I kicked and I bit and I scratched (much to everyone's amusement, I think. I was WAY out-numbered). 

It gives the concept of friendship to a whole new level when you allow your friends to bare-handed spank your ass until it's beet red and bleeding, hop up when it's over and get back to having an amazing time (not that I ever stopped). 

I would like you to notice the GLORIOUS handprints on my ass. I mean, you can see all the digits outlined. Look!!

Jesus Fucking Christ! That stung like a mother fucker. The rest of the night, sitting down was an adventure. :-) 

When things seemed to quiet down for a little bit. Master brought out a new game that we had bought, called Over the Line. It's something like a combination between pictionary and charades with really, really horrible/heinous/racist/disgusting/WTF prompts like: Jew fro, rape van, plumber butt, bone a sheep... I could go on forever. If you, dear reader, are a fucked up person like myself, I HIGHLY recommend it. You can find it on Amazon here. We hadn't had the opportunity to play before. It really is best with a larger group of people. OH MY GOD, it was amazing. We had a fantastic time. 

While the game was going, I curled up between my Master and my rope friend. (He has been dying to fuck me for a while, and GOD, I just love tormenting him. I'm sure that the time will come eventually and Master will let us play.) So I snuggled up, naked, and made myself at home. You know, a little petting, excessive physical contact... I love being a bad girl. 

Meanwhile, a few of my guests had gotten a little frisky. I had to provide a few absorbent pads to protect my rug from all the squirt! 

We kept talking and playing until just before sunrise. I couldn't have imagined a more satisfying birthday party. Thank you to all who attended!! I love you all!

P.S. Here is what my ass looked like the next day: 

 and the day after that: 

         and the day after that:

Delinquence, Friends, Photos and More

I've been so delinquent that I don't even know where to start. 

I don't know if I should catch you all up, or if I should just gloss over the time that I have been AWOL. 

Master and I did a photoshoot with a painter who wants to paint us. That was fun and really exciting. He said that he will start working on the painting in November. Then we shot a couple of times with a friend of ours, EroticLens. The second shoot was girl-girl... I hadn't really done much like that before. It was fun. I've been posting the pictures and getting really positive responses. 

In fact, I'm rather taken aback by the response that I have gotten to my internet presence. I have never received anything like this attention before. There are actually people who follow my writing, who consistently return to check my profile for updates. I'm delighted and so flattered. So, thank you all very much!! 

So, we did a short notice shoot in my bedroom with EroticLens... It was really fun. I felt so comfortable in that environment. He took pictures of me masturbating and playing with various toys. My Master got involved and started fucking me. It made for some amazing pictures. EL got to come on my ass when he was ready. I think it was a big hit. 

A dear friend of mine came to visit me. She stayed for about a week. She is a budding Domme and is working hard to find her place in the kink and vanilla communities alike. We will call her Maggie for our purposes here (short for magnanimous, of course!). Master and I did our best to show her what is out there for her to experience, but it turned out to be harder than we expected. It is so easy to forget, now that I have gotten plugged into the kinky community here, what it is like on the outside. It was really hard for me to see her fear and uncertainty about who she is... when embracing it will help to make her whole. I didn't realize how much she had to learn about herself. I sincerely hope that she was able to benefit from her visit and learn from some of our experiences together. One of which.... 

Was a photoshoot. Yeah! Guys and girls! This was my first girl-girl photoshoot. It was fun... and difficult. 

I remember when I was self-conscious. It so hard to see one of of my dear friends in that position. So quickly, I had forgotten about the emotional pain, the unease, the horrible anxiety. It was hardly fair for me to expect her to magically become as open and comfortable as I am. And magically, she wasn't. At the time, it felt like I was trying to pull teeth to get her to relax... now that I think back on it, I was trying to undo years of repression in, what, an hour?

Master and I had taken Maggie to a "candy shop" earlier in her visit. I tried to relax her with weed. That didn't work. Not. One. Bit. So, next I tried liquor. I poured her some rum. Straight with a couple of ice cubes. I watched and encouraged as she poured it down. About 20 minutes later, we all noticed her demeanor begin to relax. EL looked at me. I looked at him, and I jumped into the shoot. 

I had fixed my face and hair when I did Maggie's. I wasn't planning on being in the shoot... but, not knowing how it would go, I chose to embrace the Boy Scout motto, and "Be prepared!" 

I know she identifies as a dominant. The problem is, so do I. –Wait! Wait! Cat, you are a slave... aren't you?– Yes, I am. I chose to be submissive. I choose every day. But, in the rest of my life, I am the dominant personality in the majority of my relationships. In fact, I had always been the dominant in my relationship with Maggie, even though she was a dominant personality too. So, I took over. I did the unholy thing and "toppped from the bottom." 

I jumped in with both feet. In the end, we did get some good shots. I am happy to see that she appears to be having a good time in the pictures. 

What else has been going on? I lost my job? I'm going to Spain with Master and his family this month? I just had my birthday? You know, boring stuff. 


 

Capes and Corsets: my first play party

It's been a long time, my loves. I haven't died. I promise. Life has been a little hectic of late. I will do my best to catch you up. 

The weekend of July 9th, Master and I went to our first play party. It was such an amazing night. Please forgive me, Master likes to get me drunk and I'm not sure how good my recollection is going to be. I spotted this event on Fetlife a few months back. I could barely contain my excitement. 

"Capes and Corsets: Halloween in July" 

Not just a play party, a costume play party. Aaand, I have a thing for corsets. What is Catlytt Black going to be for halloween? A black cat... of course. C'mon guys. I have several corsets in my collection, but I wanted something... naughtier. So, I did a little shopping. A black satin underbust corset and a very very very short skirt. I had the tail and ears ready to go already. 

Master looked completely dashing. He went as a circus ring leader. Suit and tie, top hat, red cape and a riding crop. Slay me. 

I was so nervous. So so nervous. The party was located in a haunted house venue. I recently had a conversation with a friend who insisted that sexy people cannot be shy. I would have to vehemently disagree. I'm certainly becoming more outgoing as I get older, but I still have some social anxiety when I'm out in groups of people I don't know... with my tits out.

I came to the party wearing a grey satin trench coat over my costume. Even where I live, me outfit would have drawn unwanted attention. 

There is one thing that I am finding to be true pretty much across the board with openly kinky people. They are kind and accepting. It really makes it so much easier to put yourself out there. They love new people and will come up to introduce themselves. 

So, with social anxiety in full swing, we walked in. The place was huge... We walked through a little bit of the place. The setup was really neat. All the play spaces were demarcated with fluorescent marks. And the whole party was lit by blacklight. 

The next big hurdle was the coat check. I mean... my tits were going to be out in... public. You all are probably laughing at me because I have no trouble posting things online, but there is something a little different about looking people in the eye while they stare at your tits. 

"You don't need that anymore," he said gently but firmly. There were no ifs ands or buts about it. So, I took off my coat. Much to my relief no one batted an eye. This was normal. Oh good, this is normal. Luckily, coat check came with a gin and tonic (which totally glows under blacklight!!). But, it wasn't until about halfway into my second that I suddenly realized that I was damn sexy and had no reason at all to not feel every bit a goddess. 

I guess I will give you the events in vignette form... because I don't really remember much of the in between. 

• There was a rubber band wall. I remember walking by it the first time, looking at it and thinking...  well that seems interesting. I used to snap myself with rubber bands to stay awake in class, way back when, so I didn't think much of it. But then Master asked me to crawl underneath them. After a little bit of shuffling, I was held firmly against the wall by long strings of rubber bands. He pulled my skirt up so that my ass was in full view. (At this point, I was still quite sober... this did nothing to help my anxiety.) Snap. Ouch! Snap. Wait a minute, that really hurts! Snap. I turned to him. "That really hurts!" Snap. "Really, Sir!" Sensing my distress, which I felt creeping up the back of my neck like white, hot panic, he let me off the wall. 

For pain to be pleasurable in a sexual situation... there is a period of "warm up." It's going to hurt someone a whole lot more if the first spank is as hard as you can, than if you warm up with a few slaps first. The brain produces chemicals in response to pleasurable and painful circumstances. In my college psychology course, the professor explained to us that the brain chemicals that deal with the survival instinct are really all the same. He called them the 4 Fs. Fight, flight, feed, and... mate. The difference is in how you interpret them. Jumping straight into pain is like going zero to sixty in 2 seconds and the brain doesn't have time to catch up. 

So yeah. OUCH.

We made quite a few new friends at the party. We met a three self-proclaimed nudists (a couple and a single) who we both thought were completely darling. We also met a Dom/rigger who is now a dear friend of mine. 

In a small room off of the food area, there was a rope/rigging demonstration going on all night. We kept returning to the area to get more drinks (for me mostly) and looked in periodically to see what was going on. I was vaguely aware of Master talking with the rigger... I was too busy being fascinated to be social. I did not find out what they had discussed until later. 

• I looked into the room. The rigger was standing back watching... He was tall, taller than my Master. He looked rather dashing, the ends of his mustache curled. I watched the ease with which the lifted the girls he tied. I blame it on evolution, but something about strength turns me on. He had two women in suspension, and they had begun eating eachother out. When they came down, he beckoned to me. I glanced at Master with apprehension and was given a nod. The rigger bent and whispered in my ear, "I need you to do a taste test for me. These ladies would like to know which of them tastes better." With Master's nod in my mind, I followed. I knelt down before the first and buried my face in her pussy. She was sweet. As my tongue flicked over her clit, I felt her move in appreciation. I moved to the next, her muff tickled my nose. Her taste was completely different... I don't know another word to use but gamey... but it wasn't bad. Just completely different. Blame my virginal tongue for missing subtleties. So, I had my first experience giving cunnilingus... in front of a crowd. Hot.

• We walked by a play area featuring a violet wand, behind bars, like a prison cell. There was a man tending the area who was operating the special toys. He called us inside, and I willingly entered with Master and friends by my side. There wasn't any question who was going to be on the table. Eagerly, I scrambled up and laid out flat. The wand felt like an electric tingle... a tiny sting. He moved around my body, shocking here and there, my legs held by friends and my hands held by strangers. I couldn't help but giggle. The curious sensation made me laugh. After a few minutes, he switched from violet wand to TENS unit. He placed the pads on my nipples and one on my clit. More than the violet wand, it felt like a little burst of electricity. The guy took it really easy on me... the sensation was delicious. He really only barely crossed over the line into pain.

And then he let Master have the reigns, something to do with a hitachi. I've never used a hitachi before... it's just... wow. So much power. Master flicked the riding crop a few times on my clit. I let out a howl. That's when the crowd started to form, at least I am told. He handed Master a slapper... which Master applied directly to my clit. With every falling stroke, I let out a screech. The people holding my arms and legs had to earn their keep because I'm sure I began to struggle.

At some point, the person holding my right hand became someone else. He was wearing a solid black body suit that covered his face. I only remember that he held my hand tightly. At some point during my torture, I remember turning to him and whispering a quick "Thank you, shadow," before my attention was quickly drawn back by sharp and stinging pain. 

I have no idea how many times I came, as many times as Master commanded me. When Master was finished with me, we discovered that he had vibrated my clit piercing right out with the hitachi. He searched inside me for a minute before he found it in a fold in the table. I don't know how he did it... but he put that piercing right back in. There was applause. I didn't really appreciate how badass this was until later when I tried to put it back in myself. Those little threads are tiny, and he did it in the dark. 

It really was a fantastic party. Master and I were a huge hit (probably the best looking/dressed couple there.) In one of the back rooms of the party there was a Sybian and a fucking machine. We got back there just as these things were being packed up... next time. While watching the fucking machine, I was approached by the first of the girls that I had eaten. She asked Master if she could return the favor. He agreed and she sank to her knees in front of me. She smiled, looking up at me, when she saw my piercing. Her tongue slid over my clit and I let out a moan. I tilted my hips forward to ease her access. She swirled her tongue around. She felt delicious. Finished, she stood before me. I thanked her, but I didn't catch her name. I'm still kicking myself over it. 

We said our goodbyes, and Master walked me out, holding me tight against him. You can bet your ass that we fucked when we got home.